Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
