We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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