Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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