just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
sex in a hospital.. check
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
