I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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