Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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