After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
