Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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