Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
