Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
