i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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