ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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