I haven't been this sober since birth.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
