Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
