i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
