Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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