you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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