i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
