loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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