awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
