The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
