I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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