i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
