Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
