So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
