Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
