I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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