nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my liver is dry heaving
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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