First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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