it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
