i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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