..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Someone shit on the floor
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
