Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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