dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
