so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
