she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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