So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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