dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
