y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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