Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
