My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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