New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
