Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
