the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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