I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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