Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
