I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
