I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
