1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
