I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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