i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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