the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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